Trakmarx
Another review of God Is In The CD, this time by John Lenin at Trakmarx, who didn’t seem to like or understand any of it. What made him think that Penny Broadhurst and Stacey Sailplane are posh??? But we liked his comments about us so much we just had to quote them.
Gods Is In The TV zine go all serious on us in their bid for immortality - by doing a lot of work for charidy (wonder whether they like to talk about it that much?)! Thankfully, they’ve elected to donate all proceeds from this compilation to the Macmillan Cancer Support, an organisation many of us could well patronise before we slip off this mortal coil, so kudos where kudos is due. Respect. Right, that’s the patronage out of the way, what about the music?
Things get off to an inauspicious start with the ill-advised Penny Broadhurst – formerly of Chalmers, Warrington & Broadhurst, the solicitors, judging by the plumy tones of her rhymes on “Rhythm Rebel” – who attempts what can only be described as an Eminem-style jam with hilarious results – making Yes Boss sound like Outkast! The Swear fare little better: their ship jumping from former home, Angular, smacks of bargain basement desperation & the transfer window shattering capabilities of “Disco Bitch” aren’t that effective. Gifthorse, on the other hand, are worth looking in the mouth. Their sprightly “A Night In The Arms Of A Stranger” offers slight relief from the mediocrity on hand elsewhere. Villette, meanwhile, ramp up the tempo for their guitar-fueled romp entitled “Drama Girl”. We’ve heard it all before, of course, but that doesn’t stop it being any the less engaging. Donde Stars up the ante slightly with their emotionally drenched softcore marinated in pathos (“You Can Keep The Kids”) that reminds me of very early Radiohead (before they got the gift token’s for Electronica World Of Keyboards of Oxford). The International Karate Plus, on the other hand, love Pavement so much they have decided to dedicate their entire careers to emulating (i.e. – copying) their heroes. Ah, bless. Korova – not to be confused with Korova Milk Bar – or any of the other sad saps who’ve attempted to reference Clockwork Orange via their music in the last 40 years – are so nondescript it really is impossible to write anything about them whatsoever. The Sailplanes feature yet another female vocalist with an awful voice – there seems to be a plethora of them right now. Does this have anything to do with the mysterious cult of Poshoes In Rock? I don’t know. Ask the NME. But I don’t know the NME - & neither do you, theatre!
The Sailplanes suck chunks. The Shake (“Loyal Union”) pick proceedings up by the scruff of the neck & - err – carry on where The Sailplanes left off. More totally inane ‘will-this-do’ LCD rock-by-numbers by people with shiney new guitars & no receipts. Nakeru – terrible fucking name, kids, are you sure that’s all the effort your music deserves? – confound beyond belief with a love of Prefab Sprout, a snappy tune, intelligent lyrics (in present company, unique in itself) & dextrous musicianship. Surely your art is worth more than Nakeru? Right, this is too much – I need a spliff, a lie down & a shot of rye before I can continue any further with this painful procedure. Back in 5-minutes. Talk amongst yourselves!Fuck! That’s better. Are you still here? Wake up! It’s time for your nap! Ahaaah! Next up are Empty Vessels – a combo who are no strangers to the pages of trakMARX - & one we’ve been quietly monitoring these past few months. Put simply, “Sex Disco” is their best effort yet - & Empty Vessels are the best thing on “God Is In The CD”. There, put that in your crack pipe & smoke it!
Meanwhile, back at the track-listing, Captain Polaroid & Rose Kemp somehow conspire to take the compilation even lower that it’s gone before with “An Accurate Portrayal” & the excruciating “Golden Veins” (a song that, sadly, has nothing to do with Boris). The Psychotic Reaction fail to match the inspired Magpie tendencies of their nomenclature with the insipid & truly dire “It’s A Small Town” (you don’t say?). Rhesus monkey about with dulcet arpeggio’s before bursting into a power-chord-constructed chorus on “Performance”, doing for college rock exactly what Jagger did for acting in “Performance”. Gemma Ray Ritual don’t let their inability to spell Gamma get them down in their pursuit of forging a Fleetwood Mac for the noughties. Akira – with or without The Don – I couldn’t be sure – pop up to weird-out the mums & dads waiting in the forward area people carrier park where they patiently wait to roadie their offspring’s newly subsidised Gibsons, Fenders & Rickenbackers back to their 4-storey townhouses. There’s still time for Salvo to break into the recording studio after everyone’s gone home to guerrilla deposit “Customs” at P18 - honestly believing they’ve contributed to a mid-80s anarcho-punk-syndicate comp by stealth alone.
I love fanzines (I write for one). I love independent compilations (I’ve released enough in my time). I live on the underground (not literally, you understand, those Rail Police are bastards!) – but “God Is In The CD” is a terrible way to ruin what was a perfectly good fanzine. Know your station, gouger nation! www.godisinthetvzine.co.uk
John Lenin – tMx 27 – 11/06